I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
