I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
