Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
