i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
