I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
