the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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