I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
