I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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