My vagina just recognized that song.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize