YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
