hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm both gender and math confused
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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