Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
