I murdered the dance floor call the cops
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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