Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
