Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
