i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
My first STD was from a foam party
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
