hotel room ftw
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
