Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i've created a new STD.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
