it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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