So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
