youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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