THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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