I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
