WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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