This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
