I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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