dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
this will be a night to untag.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
