the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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