I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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