That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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