i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm eating all of the evidence.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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