i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
