BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
