Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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