Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
my being single is dangerous.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
