I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
