Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
