Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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