WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
