So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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