I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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