What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
