So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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