Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i came on her dog
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My breasts were aching with rage.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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