note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
