Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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