I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
