Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
