You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
