If i come over, it means nothing
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
