I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
