dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
