If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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