We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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