May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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