I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
