I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
