I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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