is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
