as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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