Having a random hookup so left but love u
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
