grandma shit on top of the toilet
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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