# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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