Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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